I owe her my life; Her soul has it

She's gone, forever.

All the love she gave to me, I will never ever get to pay her back.
She raised me up, and yet i'm not there when she let go of her last breath,
I'm not even there to say goodbye.

I started to forget how she looks like, and i hate myself for that.
Why am i always too late?
Why did she leave me this way?

'I love you'.... I hope she can hear me. I hope she knows.
'I miss you so much'... the times we had together- the fun; the sad times...

In me, she's still alive
She's there with me- in everyday i live; every breathe i take
Rest in peace 'momma'
I owe you my life, your soul have it.

Criticism

Some people say that i'm such a drama queen. I dont understand why. It's not like i'm pretending to be someone else or what. I just like to play and fool around. I'm just trying to cheer people up and have fun. But in the end of the day, I'm still me; i'm still Shadi. I'm not an actress and i dont act.


Then some people say that i need some changes to be a better person. I must admit that i'm not perfect. In fact, no one is perfect. But i'm not that bad also right? Yes i have my temper, i'm not lady-like , i'm kiddy and sometimes i can be really really rude. But that's me right? That's who i am and that makes me special. Dont you think so? That makes me the one and only Shadi in this world. No one can ever replace me. I mean NO ONE. BUT, i accept criticism quite well. As long as it's constructive and it's for my own good. And i'll try my best to eliminate all my bad habits, by changing. =)


The worse part is, some say that they dont understand me at times. Okay, this hurts. Alot. I wonder what do they mean with that. Do they really mean it when the words came out from them? Am i really that evil or confusing that people dont really get me sometimes? So let me tell you guys why am i being so hostile sometimes. Because i'm jealous or unhappy. Clear? I'm not as understanding as some people out there and i'm not as nice as them. HA! THAT'S WHY I WAS BEING SO HOSTILE AND OFFENSIVE. Like it or not.


Shadi.

Achmed the Dead Terrorist

Hey guys, check this out! It's super duper funny! I KILL YOU!!! LOL.

Achmed the dead terrorist by Jeff Dunham.

Thanks to Gian for his recommendation. :)

My life in the past few months

My blog was dead for quite a long time. I was too busy with exams, assignments and stuff. And somehow i dont have the mood to blog. :(


But no matter how busy i am, i still managed to have some fun. :P

A Trip To The US Embassy & Wisma Putra

For those who dont know about what i'm studying, well, i'm taking a course called International Relations. Sounds bombastic hor? But I dunno what can i do with it in the future. I dont think i'm smart enough to be an ambassador. :(

But still, i love this course. I learned alot about world politics and how states compete to gain power, retain it and use it. It's all about power. POWER POWER POWER! And also the most important quote that goes like this: there's no permanent friend or enemy, only permanent natinal interest. I totally agree with that.

So back to the trip. I spent a night in Thari's place because her place is nearer to the faculty. So both of us cramped into a small single bed and we had some girls' talk until late night. It wasnt a wise choice because we have to wake up early the next morning. And the worse part is i cant really sleep coz early in the morning before the sun rises, there'll be some prayers going on. It's like a morning call for me. BUT I DONT NEED IT! i just wanted to sleep...

The trip was fun. I met the US ambassador in Malaysia and i realized that they are quite good with words. With that, i mean manipulation of words. Whatever they say, it sounds like it's for world's stability and peace. But you decide yourself... whether it's true or not. That's actually a compliment. I should learned that. That's how we survive. We have to do whatever it takes. THE SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.

But those Malaysian diplomatic officers are the worst. No charisma no preparation and they're talking nonsense. They are not taking things seriously. So you know why this country is going down.

I hate to talk about them. so enjoy the pics and let's end this session here.

Ice Skating With My Girls In Sunway Pyramid!

I forgot when. But it's definitely just few months ago. Me, Thari, Qing and Haanu went ice skating in Sunway Pyramid. It was my 1st time ice skating and what i wanna say is..... IT WAS SO FREAKING SCARYYY!!!!!

I was so scared that the blade of the skating shoes will cut off my fingers and i was so scared of falling down! It must be painful ok? somemore it's so damn slippery.... Geli nia!

Actually we did quite alot of things that day. Before we went skating. We had our lunch in 1901. you guys can see how we posed with the hot dogs in the pics. Then we went shopping. And after tired from skating, we went and had our dinner at Nando's. So basically what we did were: EAT-SHOPPING-SKATING-EAT AGAIN. It was very fun to do that actually. :p

MOONCAKE FESTIVAL + BBQ

It was mooncake festival!!! I love mooncake festival. We can eat mooncake with different flavours, colours and shapes... and most of all we can play TangLung (lantern)!!

see those small tanglungs in the pics?? i bought them few weeks before the festival. I was so excited and i cant wait to play. :p

Tim and his gf organized a bbq at Rawang. So all of us drove there to EAT & PLAY. We took our tanglungs and walked along the street. There was no one there except for few cars that passed by. I mean those drivers must be thinking that we're crazy. And it's kinda scary actually walking on the street at night with the reflection of the light from the tanglung on our faces. And we're scared that those wild dogs in that area will come and bite us to death. LOL.

So basically these are the summary of my life for the past few months. Well actually there are more. But i lazy to blog d... :)

Shadi's 22nd birthday!!!

birthday cake that milky bought for me. It's my favourite black forest and it's cute! but it doesnt taste good :(

" Go shadi, it's your birthday... we're going to party like it's your birthday~" ( something similar to what starscream like to say to me) LOL. Yes yes, a girl named Shadi was born on 14th November 22 years ago and that's me!

I'm officially 22 now!

My 22nd birthday was great. Not perfect but i had lots of fun and i was happy ( well, i didnt get drunk and wasted my big day :p). Milky bought a cake and a ring for me; Vaashant, Thari and Tim bought me a huge cake from secret recipe and we went for karaeok session for 4-5 hours; Qing and Hanu got me a birthday card and the best present for me this year is the warm wishes from my mom and brother, ALSO MY MOM's SPONSORSHIP FOR MY TRIP TO VIETNAM!! She was trying to make my dreams come true ( i was dying to travel ). But too bad the trip had been cancelled and i'm gonna get my money back from the organizer no matter what ( Damn angry la they tipu my money!).

cake bought by Vaashant, Thari and Tim and celebration at redbox the curve!!

thari, me and milky

singing! I'm addicted to singing! even though i cant sing well... hehe.

So back to the birthday thing. I was so touched when my long lost friends send me their warm wishes on my birthday. I must be blind all these years. I've forgotten about my real friends but i care for those who are just pretending to be friend. I refer these people as "Friendnemy". Which means an enemy who acts like a friend.

It feels good when people remember about my birthday. Because somehow they make me feel like the world revolves around me. And the only thing bad about birthday is... it reminds us that we're getting older and older day by day. I'm 22 now and soon i'll be 25...30...40, 70... then it'll be time to die. ( I dont wanna die!! I'm afraid of dying... ). But what to do? Time is the only thing that money cant buy and i have no doubt that it's ticking my life away. :(

But still, I love my birthday. Even though 1114 means everyday die once in cantonese. LoL.

Pain strikes again

I cant sleep last night.

It's not like i've adopted an imsoniac lifestyle or what. But i've been thinking about her again.

I miss her and i wanted to see her so badly, before it's too late.

But i have no idea where she is...

I was robbed by 2 BASTARDS!!!

Everyone, i was robbed like 3 hours ago. As you can see at the title, i was robbed by 2 bastards. who are malays!!

I was on the bike with Milky before they stopped our bike and pointed a 'parang' at us. They took 200 bucks from us and milky's phone. We're ok but i'm so damn pissed off!! The money that they took from me, that's all the money i have. And thanks to them that from now on i can only eat bread and plain water.

If only they kill me, i'll make sure that they will go down to hell with me. It a holly month for Muslim and yet they robbed students like us? how bad is that sin that they have just committed? i wish they'll fucking burn in hell for that. I really do.

They make me hate Malays more. I'm no longer proud to be a malay even though i'm proud to be my father's daughter. From now on, all this malays bastards and bitches from my university who always discriminate and cant stop bitching about me, dont they ever dare to think they will get any mercy from me. I'm sick of being nice and quiet.

I dont care what they'll think about me. I wouldnt say that i'm a malay anymore from now on. Because i'm not. I'm not a chinese nor a malay. i'm a mix of 2 races and you guys can say whatever u want. U aint gonna bring me down.

Even the police pissed me off when we're making report at the police station. God damn it, they dont trust us when we said we're robbed by malays because they are of the same race... Majority doesnt mean that they're the best damn it!

Dont blame me.... you guys put me in this position.